How do we plan parenthood as three or four adults, or how can we as a queer couple start a family? Whether you are a rainbow family with children or still in the planning stage – lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, intersex and queer people (LGBTIQ*) are welcome here.
Family Planning for LGBTIQ* People
Should family formation happen alone, as a trio, or within a romantic relationship? Who gets which role, rights and responsibilities? How important is biological kinship to us? These questions are answered very differently by LGBTIQ* people – and the path to a family is equally diverse. Sometimes there are already children from previous heterosexual relationships; sometimes the desire for children is fulfilled through sperm donation – from within the circle of friends or via a sperm bank. Many rainbow families care for foster children or apply for adoption. In large cities, interest groups offer queer ‘family planning groups’ for exchange with like-minded people; elsewhere, the internet helps.
Legal Framework for Rainbow Families
The legal status of parents affects custody, contact, maintenance and inheritance rights, as well as the provision for children should the person with custody die. The legal protection of rainbow children is often complex. The person giving birth automatically receives custody – although trans* people are currently registered in the birth certificate under their old name and gender. A non-biological parent can currently only become a legal parent through the route of (step-child) adoption. Although more than two parents are common in rainbow families, they cannot be entered as legally binding.
All financial support for families is of course also available to rainbow families. We are happy to inform you in counselling about child benefit, parental allowance or education and participation grants.
Custody for Rainbow Families
Parents without official custody often receive day-to-day parental responsibility through verbal or written authorisation, sometimes also called ‘minor custody’. They can then take the child to the doctor or collect them from the day nursery, but may not, for example, sign a school enrolment form. Foster parents also generally have the right to day-to-day parental responsibility. In the case of long-term fostering, they can often also receive guardianship, which broadly corresponds to custody. After the foster child’s 18th birthday, adoption is also possible.
Prejudice Against Rainbow Families
Rainbow families still encounter discrimination and prejudice in everyday life. However, for children’s healthy development, what matters is not the gender of the parents, but good relationships within the family. The fear of discrimination sometimes makes it harder for rainbow parents to access general counselling services. AWO pregnancy counselling centres counsel all families respectfully and without bias – on family planning, pregnancy, birth and the postnatal period.
“Once we went on a rainbow family weekend. The children just played and made crafts together. But they really enjoyed being able to be ‘completely normal’ for once without having to explain themselves.”
Networking
Parents and children generally benefit from networking with other rainbow families. Children enjoy being ‘completely normal’ for once; parents can exchange experiences or recover from well-meaning questions. In many regions there are rainbow family groups, camping weekends or action days. Specialised parent-child health retreats for rainbow families are also a way to meet others. A general search for contact points can be found at regenbogenportal.de.
Still have questions?
We are happy to advise you in person. Anonymous and free of charge. Respectful and empowering.