Pregnant – and completely unplanned. Do I want to continue this pregnancy, and am I able to? Who can I talk to about this? And how do I reach a decision I can live with? Here you will find guidance and tips to help you weigh up the pros and cons of continuing or ending a pregnancy.
Abortion Yes or No – Making a Good Decision
Around one in six women will experience an unplanned pregnancy at least once in their lifetime. For some, the decision for or against an abortion is immediately clear. Some know straight away that they absolutely want to continue the pregnancy – or that they do not. Others feel doubt, uncertainty or overwhelmed by the decision ahead. Should I have an abortion – yes or no? Ambivalent or shifting feelings are not unusual in this situation. But almost everyone eventually reaches a sound and considered decision. Roughly half decide to continue the pregnancy; roughly half decide not to.
For others, the question may arise following an unexpected finding in prenatal diagnostics. Either way: At AWO pregnancy counselling centres, we see every day how carefully this decision is made. What people need to get there varies. Some thoughts and suggestions are offered here.
Decision-Making Support on Abortion
As counsellors, we see every day that the decision for or against an abortion is reached in very different ways. Through careful rational consideration or intuitively. After speaking with many friends, or entirely in private. Calmly or under pressure. In the sixth week or at the last moment. Every path can be right in its own way. Here are some questions and thought experiments that may help you work towards a decision. Take your time. You may also want to write down your answers.
Checklist: Pros and Cons Abortion
- What would your life look like in five years if you continued this pregnancy?
- What would your life look like in five years if you ended this pregnancy?
- Can you imagine life with (more) children in general? Can you picture yourself at a playground, a parents’ evening, your child’s sports club?
- What might improve if you have this child now?
- What might become more difficult if you have this child now?
- Children tend to bring regular routines into life – breakfast, dinner, nap times. How does that feel?
- What support could you receive if you continued the pregnancy?
- What wishes and plans do you currently have for yourself, or for your life together?
- Do those plans fit in with having a child? Or could you put them on hold?
- If money were no object, would you decide for or against continuing the pregnancy?
- Do you need information about abortion methods or what the process involves?
- Do you feel free to make this decision yourself? Or do you feel pressured by parents, friends, a partner, religion or your community?
- What are your own thoughts on abortion? Can you think about it freely? Or are you putting yourself under pressure with moral judgements?
- What would you advise if this situation were not happening to you, but to your closest friend?
- What do you need right now to be able to make a good decision? A short break, a proper night’s sleep, a walk or a run? Time alone, with your partner or with a friend? More information?
If you would like support in reaching a decision, we are happy to help. We will listen and help you organise your thoughts, doubts and concerns. We will not push you in either direction. At AWO pregnancy option counselling you will receive the counselling certificate required for an abortion – with complete freedom to use it or not.
Pros and Cons of An Abortion – Writing It Down
If you are uncertain, it can help to write down the key points or to talk them through in a counselling session. This allows you to look at each reason individually and assess it. How strong is your desire to have a child? How significant is the problem of an unfinished professional qualification? How realistic is the hope of support from a partner? More pros than cons – or vice versa – does not automatically determine a decision, because different reasons carry different weight. But looking at each point individually may make it easier to reach a decision that feels right.
“My grandmother says you always find a way to raise a child. My mother says once you have children, you can’t do anything else. About to start my training, I needed a neutral space to make my own decision. The counselling was helpful for that.”
Reasons for Choosing An Abortion
The reasons why people choose an abortion vary widely. Some do not want a child at all. Some do not want a child right now. Some already have children and do not want another. Some feel they could not manage life with a disabled child. Some cannot imagine tying themselves to this particular person through a child. Some are experiencing violence in their relationship and do not want to expose a child to that. Some feel they simply do not have the strength for (another) child. Some do not feel well enough – physically or mentally. Some have not yet finished school. Some cannot have a child before marriage without being excluded from their community. Some have a significant – perhaps once-in-a-lifetime – professional opportunity right now. All of these can be important reasons. If you feel uncertain, pregnancy option counselling can help you gain clarity.
Reasons for Continuing the Pregnancy
Slightly more than half of all people with an unplanned pregnancy decide against abortion and choose to continue the pregnancy. Some had planned to have children later and now adjust their plans. Some have little money but a strong relationship. Some cannot imagine having an abortion and choose adoption instead. Some use the pregnancy as the moment to finally leave a violent relationship. Some find a way to defer a professional opportunity through a conversation with the job centre or their employer. Some receive support from friends or grandparents. Some live in a city where childcare options are available and finishing school is still possible. And some simply realise that they have a clear feeling – even when everything seems difficult on a rational level.
If you are uncertain, pregnancy option counselling can support you in reaching a decision.
“The conversation at the counselling centre helped me because I got thorough answers to my questions and felt more certain about my decision afterwards.”
Should I Have an Abortion – Yes or No?
No checklist, video or online test can answer this question. Every person facing an unplanned pregnancy has to find their own way. As does every pregnant person who faces this question later – for example because prenatal diagnostics have revealed something unexpected.
For some, their gut feeling is well hidden. In our counselling sessions, we offer you a space in which to look for it. You will also receive all the information you may still need. From many thousands of counselling conversations, we know: no one makes the decision for or against abortion lightly. For some, the choice feels overwhelming. But in the end, almost everyone reaches a decision that feels right for their life.
Reaching a Decision as a Couple
The decision for or against abortion concerns the bodily autonomy of the pregnant person. Ultimately, it is the pregnant person who decides whether the pregnancy continues or not. That said, many couples want to make this decision together. If reaching a joint decision is difficult, partners can seek counselling individually or together. This can help clarify each person’s position and open up honest communication.
Abortion – Living With the Decision
Abortion is a politically contested topic. Those opposed to abortion frequently claim that it causes lasting trauma and that psychological harm is inevitable. As counsellors, we have accompanied many people both before and after an abortion. We cannot confirm this position. Most people feel relieved after an abortion. Some experience sadness – even while feeling certain about their decision. This is entirely normal. An abortion can be accompanied by a period of grief and loss. Difficulties arise when these feelings are not allowed to exist. Or when people have been pressured into their decision. Anyone who genuinely cares about the psychological wellbeing of pregnant people will therefore advocate for real self-determination.
For and Against Abortion – What Counselling Can Offer
In a counselling session, you can put your thoughts into words and make sense of them. As counsellors, we support you using a respectful and non-directive approach. We have heard a great deal – about family pressures, abusive situations, forced marriages, sex work and substance use. We know that every decision has its own context. We do not judge. And we are bound by professional confidentiality. You can speak openly with us.
We cannot make the decision for or against abortion for you. But we can give you information and accompany you on the path to your own decision.
Still have questions?
We are happy to advise you in person. Anonymous and free of charge. Respectful and empowering.