Children yes or no and how many, sex yes or no and how, a babysitter yes or no and how often. Around pregnancy, family and everyday life, a relationship can quickly get to the heart of things. How can these issues be resolved? Is it possible to separate amicably? And what is best for the children?
Good Relationships Take Practice
In our society, love and partnership are often seen as natural, instinctive, requiring no instruction. A basic life skill that everyone talks about but no one needs to learn. This is a myth. There is a great deal of knowledge and experience around the different phases of a relationship – from good communication and healthy habits to recognising your own needs and those of others. Wanting to learn about these things is not a sign of weakness or lack of love. Quite the opposite. That is why we also offer counselling on matters of love and relationships – and ideally before things become difficult.
The Stress of Having Children
Nobody said it would be easy. Children have an enormous number of needs, which they express loudly and insistently. They are often more determined than their parents and have no regard for a couple’s need for romance. They multiply the housework, disrupt Sunday breakfast and ensure that at least one parent is always tired, irritable or bored. All of this, around the clock. Doesn’t quite sound like a honeymoon? Exactly. If things get a little rocky, that is perfectly normal.
But when the general mood shifts from cloud nine towards storm clouds, it is time to act. Perhaps take a walk together as a couple. Perhaps ask a neighbour or another parent from nursery to take the child for a little while. Perhaps make a counselling appointment. Now.
Parenting Challenges
Almost all parents love their children. Almost all children love their parents. But children can be a serious challenge for adults. They can leave parents feeling lost, helpless and angry – when a child throws themselves screaming onto the supermarket floor, when they bite other children, or when parents themselves lose their composure and snap. The question quickly becomes: who is wrong? Or: why does everyone else seem to manage, except not me? Parenting difficulties can also put strain on the relationship between parents. And the vast majority of people who care for children reach this point at some stage. That is why we want to encourage you to seek support when you need it. On request, we are happy to refer you to a family and parenting counselling service.
“There was parenting advice on the mother-and-child retreat. I didn’t want to go – we didn’t have any serious problems. Fortunately, I went anyway. And I found out how to make things easier. Much easier. That was the best part of the whole trip.”
Separation and Blended Families
In some families, separation is handled calmly and amicably. In others, it comes with loud arguments and slamming doors – sometimes with manipulation, outbursts of anger and violence. When there are children involved, agreements always need to be reached on childcare arrangements, place of residence, contact rights and finances. A neutral third party can make these processes easier. Many parents benefit from family and parenting counselling during separation, which we are happy to help arrange.
Violence in Relationships
This includes threats, insults, hitting, kicking or pulling hair. But controlling a partner’s phone, belittling “jokes”, controlling finances or deliberately isolating a partner can also be part of an abusive relationship. So can coercing sexual acts, humiliating a partner in front of friends, locking them in or out, daily degradation and much more. None of this is a sign of love – not even if flowers follow. And also not when both partners are violent.
Once violence has become part of a relationship, it does not disappear on its own. You can raise this topic within the context of pregnancy counselling. We are bound by professional confidentiality and will take no steps without your consent.
Children and Couple Relationships
Children need stable relationships and security. This does not mean that parents have to live together or love each other. When parents treat each other fairly and respectfully, children generally do well – even when relationship status changes, and even when living arrangements shift.
Children run into emotional difficulties when parents speak badly of each other or try to draw them to one side. Children are always seriously affected by relationship violence, even when they are not direct witnesses to physical violence.
Still have questions?
We are happy to advise you in person. Anonymous and free of charge. Respectful and empowering.